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INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY

MITCH stares at the white board blankly. He has a laptop in front of him, opened to Twitter. He wears a pair of black slacks and a shirt that was probably on sale at the Gap.

WANDA sits across the grey table from him. She keeps taking the cap off of a blue dry erase marker and inhaling.

—– Okay, I have to interrupt this little skit here, because my iPod froze and I caught a bit of the conversation a group near me is having on the train. I just heard these phrases: “but the word ‘retarded’ is just a word. It shouldn’t matter.” “Right. It just means to slow something down.” “Like fire retardant.” “She shouldn’t have been so mad…” Just to be clear: I’m not making that up. It’s literally what I just heard before Van Halen’s Right Now (from the live album) finally saved me. Okay, back to the nonsense. —–

In between them is a speakerphone with STAN talking loudly.

STAN
And that’s why I think we need to take a look at the brief again. I just don’t think the word “freedom” is getting at it.

WANDA
We get that, Stan. We’ll have the team dig a little deeper.

STAN
Okay. Now, while I’ve got you on the phone, can we talk about that email I sent you from Bill?

MITCH
Sure. Just let me pull it up here.

Mitch scrolls through a few more Twitter posts. Clicks over to Facebook. Then, opens his email and starts looking.

WANDA
Just a heads up, we lose the room in a few minutes, so we might have to reconvene later.

STAN
Okay. But, this is really important.

The conference room door SWINGS OPEN.

DAVID, CHRIS and MARY stop short of charging in. They each have an opened laptop in one hand and a slice of the cake that was served for the monthly birthday celebration in the other.

Wanda quickly MUTES the phone.

WANDA
We’re on with the client. Can you wait a few minutes?

DAVID
We’re supposed to be on a call right now. It’s a web ex, so we need the TV.

MITCH
Is the round open?

CHRIS
There’s no TV in the round.

MITCH
Oh yeah.

WANDA
(Taking the phone off mute)
Hey, Stan. We’re getting booted. Can I give you a call back after lunch?

STAN
I really don’t want that. This email is very important.

Wanda waves her arms in an imploring way to Chris and the rest.

Chris shakes his head “no.”

Mary DROPS her cake on the floor.

MARY
Damnit!

Wanda quickly hits the mute button again.

STAN
What was that?

WANDA
What’s wrong with you! This is my client on the phone.

CHRIS
And, our client is waiting on us for this call. I already let you have the Main yesterday when we already had it book.

DAVID
Yeah. Your calls always go long. I had to meet with a vendor in the lobby last week. This is getting ridiculous.

MITCH
You guys are taking this a little too personally.

STAN
What’s happening? Are you guys still there?

WANDA
Seriously, guys. Just get over it.

MARY
You made me drop my cake!

Mary rears her laptop back and SWINGS with full force at Mitch’s head.

MITCH
Ooof!

WANDA
What the hell!

She stands up and pushes the un-mute button.

WANDA
Sorry, Stan. My laptop just froze. Give me a minute to reboot.

STAN
Okay.

MITCH
(rubbing his temple)
My head.

WANDA
You are gonna get it.

She jumps on the table and sends a ROUNDHOUSE KICK to David’s jaw. He flails backwards.

Mitch gets up and BUM RUSHES Chris. Chris grabs a handful of his hair and starts yanking.

Mary jumps onto the conference table. Level with Wanda.

MARY
This is my room now, bitch.

The two women start Kung-fu fighting.

Chris and David each push Mitch from one to the other with kicks and jabs.

STAN
You guys really need to get your network looked at.
(Laughs)
I swear you’re always having trouble.

Wanda pulls off a spin kick that sends Wanda off the table and into a chair. She jumps down and pushes the chair out of the room.

Mitch manages to evade a punch from Chris and he grabs his hair in one hand, and David’s in the other. He SLAMS their heads together and they both crumple into a heap of the floor.

Mitch and Wanda take a moment to smooth out their shirts. Wanda pushes the un-mute button.

WANDA
Okay, Stan. We’re ready.

STAN
You know. I forgot it’s my kid’s birthday. I need to get out of here. I’ll just call you tomorrow.

There phone beeps.

Wanda and Stan stare at each other. The conference line CHIRPS.

CONFERENCE HOST
Beep–
(Stan’s voice)
Stan–
(Automated voice)
Has left the conference–Beep.

FADE OUT.

Photo credit: Incase. via Foter.com / CC BY

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