{"id":804,"date":"2008-08-07T00:00:16","date_gmt":"2008-08-07T07:00:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.hgmiller.com\/wp\/?p=804"},"modified":"2017-12-01T15:25:09","modified_gmt":"2017-12-01T23:25:09","slug":"the-office-spec-bring-your-pet-to-work-day","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.hgmiller.com\/wp\/2008\/08\/07\/the-office-spec-bring-your-pet-to-work-day\/","title":{"rendered":"The Office Spec &#8211; &#8220;Bring Your Pet to Work Day&#8221;"},"content":{"rendered":"<pre>                                      COLD OPEN\r\n\r\n               FADE IN:\r\n\r\n               INT. OFFICE - DAY - D1\r\n\r\n               PAM enters. Pulls off her coat and scarf as she sits down.\r\n               Picks up the phone and starts checking messages.\r\n\r\n               ANGLE ON: A CAT walks across Pam's desk. She looks up at the\r\n               cat. Looks to her right and sees a GOAT eating paper.\r\n\r\n               Pam looks at the camera.\r\n\r\n               PAM TALKING HEAD\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                      I had a terrible appointment this\r\n                      morning and forgot that it was pet\r\n                      day. So, yeah, things probably aren't\r\n                      going to get any better.\r\n\r\n               A SHEEP's BLEAT is heard off screen.\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n                                  END OF COLD OPEN\r\n                                       ACT ONE\r\n\r\n               FADE IN:\r\n\r\n               INT. OFFICE - DAY 1\r\n\r\n               KELLY leans over to pet a cat. It HISSES at her and attacks\r\n               her hair.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL (V.O.)\r\n                      Bring your pet to work day. I don't\r\n                      know where I come up with these ideas. \r\n\r\n               ANGLE ON: Phyllis walks past Pam's desk with a parakeet in a\r\n               cage.\r\n\r\n               KEVIN enters with a SMALL POODLE.\r\n\r\n               MICHAEL TALKING HEAD\r\n\r\n               Michael holds up a copy of Small Business Monthly.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Small Business Monthly. \"Best\r\n                      Companies to Work For.\" Number three,\r\n                      Initech, allows their employees to\r\n                      bring dogs into the office. If dogs\r\n                      make you number three, then all pets\r\n                      should make you even better.\r\n\r\n               ANGLE ON: Andy entering with a fish bowl. Trips and spills it\r\n               on the floor. Frantically starts trying to get the fish back\r\n               in the bowl.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL (CONT'D)\r\n                      Now, I don't have a pet -- my condo\r\n                      won't allow it -- so I decided to do\r\n                      something a little \"out of the box\" --\r\n                      which is how the number two and number\r\n                      six companies think -- and I went to\r\n                      the petting zoo and rented this little\r\n                      guy for the day. \r\n\r\n               ANGLE ON: Goat starts chomping at mini blinds.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL (CONT'D)\r\n                      They didn't have a lion, which is what\r\n                      I wanted. But, he'll do. Of course, I\r\n                      had to pay for a handler to come and\r\n                      spend the day here. \r\n\r\n               REVEAL: A TRAINER in colorful costume pulls at goat. Stands\r\n               behind Michael.\r\n\r\n                                 TRAINER\r\n                      Is that computer just for you?\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      All mine.\r\n\r\n                                 TRAINER\r\n                      That's so cool.\r\n\r\n               INT. OFFICE - D1\r\n\r\n               MEREDITH walks in with a hamster cage.\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                      Hi, Meredith. How cute. You brought in\r\n                      your kid's hamster for pet day?\r\n\r\n                                 MEREDITH\r\n                      What's pet day?\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                      Today's pet day.\r\n                          (as to a child)\r\n                      That's why you brought in your\r\n                      hamster.\r\n\r\n                                 MEREDITH\r\n                      No. My kids brought it home from\r\n                      school and it's either fess up to the\r\n                      crime or get rid of it. I thought\r\n                      somebody might want to buy it.\r\n\r\n               CREED peers into the cage.\r\n\r\n                                 CREED\r\n                      Not meaty enough.\r\n\r\n               INT. OFFICE - ACCOUNTING AREA - D1\r\n\r\n               Kevin sits down with his poodle on his lap. OSCAR gets\r\n               excited.\r\n\r\n                                 OSCAR\r\n                      Oh my God. Where on earth did you get\r\n                      an albino Burmese poodle?\r\n\r\n                                 KEVIN\r\n                      Please don't make eye contact. Lacey\r\n                      gets agitated if she feels like she's\r\n                      being threatened. \r\n\r\n               Oscar laughs.\r\n\r\n                                 KEVIN (CONT'D)\r\n                      No gums.\r\n\r\n                                 OSCAR\r\n                      I've heard these little guys can be\r\n                      feisty.\r\n\r\n                                 KEVIN\r\n                      She's very moody. I bought her after\r\n                      my girlfriend left me. I have to clean\r\n                      up her poo, but otherwise, it's about\r\n                      the same.\r\n\r\n               INT. OFFICE - FRONT DESK - D1\r\n\r\n               JIM enters and leans over Pam's desk.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      Hey.\r\n\r\n               Pam doesn't respond. Focused on her work. Jim waves a hand in\r\n               front of her face.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM (CONT'D)\r\n                      Um, hey?\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                      Oh, hi.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      Hi there. You took off early today.\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                      I'm sorry. I had a dentist\r\n                      appointment. Forgot to tell you.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      Let's see 'em.\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                          (distracted)\r\n                      See what?\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      The teeth.\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                      Oh. Right.\r\n\r\n               Pam SMILES awkwardly.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      Got to get on your game today,\r\n                      Beasley. \r\n\r\n               INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - D1\r\n\r\n               RYAN is on the SPEAKERPHONE.\r\n\r\n                                 RYAN (O.S.)\r\n                      Michael. I haven't seen those\r\n                      evaluation forms. You know they're due\r\n                      today.\r\n\r\n               Michael stuffs a ball under his jacket and pretends to have a\r\n               hump.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                          (slurping)\r\n                      Yes, master. I do your bidding. Thy\r\n                      will be done. \r\n\r\n                                 RYAN (O.S.)\r\n                      Michael. Are you pretending to be\r\n                      Quasimodo or a Civil War era slave?\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Um. Quasimodo.\r\n\r\n                                 RYAN (O.S.)\r\n                      Stop it.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Would you prefer--\r\n\r\n                                 RYAN (O.S.)\r\n                      No. I need those forms.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      I'm just going over some final details\r\n                      with Toby.\r\n\r\n                                 RYAN (O.S.)\r\n                      Toby said he helped you fill out all\r\n                      the forms two weeks ago.\r\n\r\n               Michael rolls his eyes.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Well, I want to review them one more\r\n                      time. \r\n\r\n               Michael gives a dirty look out his window. \r\n\r\n               ANGLE ON: TOBY talking with Jim.\r\n\r\n               TOBY TALKING HEAD\r\n\r\n                                 TOBY\r\n                      Yeah. It was really warm in Costa\r\n                      Rica. Plus, I ran out of money.\r\n\r\n               INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - D1\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      I'm not sure I understand why you need\r\n                      me to give a letter grade to every\r\n                      employee in the branch, anyway.\r\n\r\n                                 RYAN (O.S.)\r\n                      I told you, we need to identify who\r\n                      the weakest performers are. This is to\r\n                      help them. We need the weak links to\r\n                      start stepping up.\r\n\r\n               RYAN TALKING HEAD\r\n\r\n               RYAN wears an African Flag doo rag on his head, and a black\r\n               tunic.\r\n\r\n                                 RYAN\r\n                      Going to prison was the best thing for\r\n                      me. You really get to learn from some\r\n                      of the greatest business minds there\r\n                      are. This grading technique is\r\n                      something Martha Stewart adapted from\r\n                      a Japanese war manual. You find the\r\n                      weakest link and crush it. \r\n\r\n               He SNAPS a pencil in his hand. Laughs it off.\r\n\r\n                                 RYAN (CONT'D)\r\n                      I already know that Michael is the\r\n                      weakest link. But, I'm okay if he\r\n                      picks Jim.\r\n\r\n               INT. OFFICE - D1\r\n\r\n               DWIGHT enters with a cage. Sits down.\r\n\r\n               Jim looks in the cage. Shakes his head.\r\n\r\n                                 DWIGHT\r\n                      What?\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      I'm a little disappointed. I was\r\n                      expecting great things from you today\r\n                      and you show up with a pet squirrel.\r\n\r\n                                 DWIGHT\r\n                      I'll have you know this is South\r\n                      African sniper ferret. It's a natural\r\n                      born killer and would probably bite\r\n                      the head off of any squirrel that got\r\n                      in its way.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                          (mocking)\r\n                      Really.\r\n\r\n                                 DWIGHT\r\n                      And, I'm teaching him kung-fu.\r\n\r\n               Jim mouths \"thank you\" to the sky.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                          (to ferret)\r\n                      Hey there, fella. Does Uncle Dwight\r\n                      make you dress like a ninja?\r\n\r\n                                 DWIGHT\r\n                      Ninjas aren't real. And it doesn't\r\n                      matter. He's been trained to answer\r\n                      only to me.\r\n\r\n               DWIGHT TALKING HEAD\r\n\r\n                                 DWIGHT\r\n                      Of course there are ninjas. I can't\r\n                      let Jim know that, though.\r\n\r\n               Dwight looks around suspiciously.\r\n\r\n                                 DWIGHT (CONT'D)\r\n                          (whispering)\r\n                      I have been developing an advanced\r\n                      weapons system for my ferret to use.\r\n                      Once he's fully trained, I'm hoping to\r\n                      get a contract with the government to\r\n                      carry out assassination missions.\r\n                      Nobody would ever suspect a ferret.\r\n\r\n               Dwight holds up the ferret sporting He-Man gear. Smirks.\r\n\r\n               INT. KITCHEN - D1\r\n\r\n               Andy refills his fish bowl. His fish is in a small plastic\r\n               water cup on the counter.\r\n\r\n                                 ANDY\r\n                      This is Poindexter. I picked him up\r\n                      this morning. He was only eight cents.\r\n                      The bowl and rocks and stuff cost\r\n                      about thirty dollars, but he's my new\r\n                      best friend, so I want to take care of\r\n                      him.\r\n\r\n               Andy notices the fish isn't moving in the plastic cup.\r\n\r\n                                 ANDY (CONT'D)\r\n                      Hmm. That doesn't look good.\r\n\r\n               He taps the cup a few times.\r\n\r\n               INT. OFFICE - JIM &amp; DWIGHT'S DESKS - D1\r\n\r\n               Dwight feeds his ferret from a baby bottle.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      Hey, Dwight. Do you think I can use\r\n                      some of your milk to feed my pet?\r\n\r\n                                 DWIGHT\r\n                      No! \r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      Just a sip.\r\n\r\n                                 DWIGHT\r\n                      This is not milk. It's a mix of\r\n                      protein and natural beet extract, with\r\n                      a little coconut milk for texture.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      My guy's just a little thirsty, that's\r\n                      all.\r\n\r\n               Jim pulls out a PET ROCK. It is painted like Dwight. He sets\r\n               it on the desk.\r\n\r\n                                 DWIGHT\r\n                      That is not a pet. That is a rock.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      Quiet. You'll hurt his feelings.\r\n\r\n                                 DWIGHT\r\n                      It's a rock. It doesn't have feelings.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      I named it Dwight after my favorite\r\n                      beet farmer.\r\n\r\n                                 DWIGHT\r\n                      I am flattered, but that is still a\r\n                      rock.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      Suit yourself.\r\n                          (to rock)\r\n                      I don't know why he won't acknowledge\r\n                      you. Maybe there's some shady history\r\n                      you're just too young to understand.\r\n\r\n                                 DWIGHT\r\n                      There's no shady history! I had\r\n                      nothing to do with that rock. You\r\n                      painted the face. It's your rock!\r\n\r\n               INT. OFFICE - CONTINUOUS - D1\r\n\r\n               ANGLE ON: Creed opens the window by his desk.\r\n\r\n               A PIGEON flies in and alights on his arm. He gives it some\r\n               feed. Pulls a five dollar bill from a holder tied to the\r\n               bird's leg.\r\n\r\n               CREED TALKING HEAD\r\n\r\n                                 CREED\r\n                      I put a note asking for five dollars\r\n                      for some food. Works like a charm. The\r\n                      trick is to not get too greedy. People\r\n                      will not give ten dollars to a bird.\r\n\r\n               INT. OFFICE - BREAK ROOM - D1\r\n\r\n               The animal trainer gets a cup of coffee. Jim is buying Pam a\r\n               soda.\r\n\r\n                                 TRAINER\r\n                      Is this coffee free?\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      Yup. Help yourself.\r\n\r\n                                 TRAINER\r\n                      Awesome!\r\n\r\n               He drinks half the cup. Refills and walks out.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      I wish I could be that excited about\r\n                      being here.\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                      Maybe you should get a goat.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      Nah. You'll do.\r\n\r\n               Jim smiles. Pam doesn't laugh.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM (CONT'D)\r\n                      Hey. I'm just kidding.\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                      No. Now you're in trouble.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      Well, since I'm already in trouble. Do\r\n                      I really need to go to the art show\r\n                      thing on Sunday?\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                      Really? Come on. It's for my teacher.\r\n                      I'm trying to show her some support.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      You can't stand her.\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                      She knows a lot of people. Maybe I can\r\n                      get into a few more shows through her.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      It's just, I was going to do my\r\n                      fantasy football draft on Sunday.\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                      You know what? Fine. Just let me know\r\n                      when you will and won't be there for\r\n                      me. I'll try to plan ahead.\r\n\r\n               She storms out.\r\n\r\n               Jim looks to the camera.\r\n\r\n               INT. OFFICE - ANNEX - D1\r\n\r\n               The goat trainer hits on Kelly.\r\n\r\n                                 TRAINER\r\n                      So, you sit back here and answer the\r\n                      phone all day?\r\n\r\n                                 KELLY\r\n                      All day. Well, not like all day.\r\n                      Sometimes I make coffee. And I shop\r\n                      online a lot. \r\n\r\n                                 TRAINER\r\n                      It's just so clean in here. And it\r\n                      smells nice.\r\n\r\n                                 KELLY\r\n                      Thanks.\r\n\r\n               She smiles seductively. \r\n\r\n                                 KELLY (CONT'D)\r\n                      So, tell me more about the wild\r\n                      animals you have to tame.\r\n\r\n                                 TRAINER\r\n                      Have you ever seen a rabid sheep?\r\n\r\n               INT. OFFICE - FRONT DESK - CONTINUOUS - D1\r\n\r\n               Michael waves at Pam.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Pam, get in here. I need you to take\r\n                      some notes for me.\r\n\r\n               Pam sighs. Grabs her notepad and walks over.\r\n\r\n               INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS - D1\r\n\r\n               Michael feeds the goat his stapler.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                          (giggling)\r\n                      This thing will eat anything.\r\n\r\n               The goat turns away from the stapler.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL (CONT'D)\r\n                      Okay. Doesn't like the stapler. But\r\n                      you like paper, don't you. Yeah,\r\n                      here's some more paper.\r\n\r\n               Michael grabs papers from his desk without paying attention.\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                      Aren't those our evaluation forms?\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Pam, don't be silly. I wouldn't feed\r\n                      the goat your evaluation forms.\r\n\r\n               Michael checks the paper going to the goat.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL (CONT'D)\r\n                      These are... the rough drafts of your\r\n                      evaluations.\r\n\r\n               He starts pulling pieces of paper away from the goat.\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                      Do you need some tape?\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      I need you to take this away.\r\n\r\n               He shoves the goat towards her.\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                      What about taking notes?\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      I have a very important call. \r\n\r\n               Michael picks up his phone. Holds it BACKWARDS against his\r\n               ear.\r\n\r\n               INT. OFFICE - CONTINUOUS - D1\r\n\r\n               Pam walks out with the goat.\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                          (to goat)\r\n                      How fast can you type?\r\n\r\n               ANGELA sees Pam with the goat. Rolls her eyes.\r\n\r\n               ANGELA TALKING HEAD\r\n\r\n                                 ANGELA\r\n                      I would never bring my kittens to a\r\n                      place with such moral depravity as\r\n                      this. Every day, before I leave for\r\n                      work, I tape a passage of scripture by\r\n                      their water bowl. I know they'll get\r\n                      into heaven.\r\n\r\n               INT. OFFICE - JIM &amp; DWIGHT'S DESKS - D1\r\n\r\n               Dwight stares at Jim's pet rock. \r\n\r\n               The rock stares back.\r\n\r\n               INT. OFFICE - ANNEX - D1\r\n\r\n               Michael walks back to Toby's desk.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Toby. Hi. \r\n\r\n                                 TOBY\r\n                      Hi, Michael.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      No pet today?\r\n\r\n                                 TOBY\r\n                      You said I couldn't participate in\r\n                      office events because I was a part of\r\n                      corporate. \r\n\r\n               Michael looks at the camera awkwardly.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Me? Phsaw. No way. What kind of pet do\r\n                      you have?\r\n\r\n                                 TOBY\r\n                      Well, my wife got the cat in the\r\n                      divorce. I got the dog. He ran away\r\n                      though.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                          (aside)\r\n                      Can't say that I blame him.\r\n\r\n                                 TOBY\r\n                      I've been a little lonely.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Man. You are... depressing.\r\n\r\n                                 TOBY\r\n                      Why are you here, Michael? Did you\r\n                      send the evaluation forms to Ryan yet?\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Yeah! Of course I did. On their way. I\r\n                      just wanted to see if you...\r\n\r\n                                 TOBY\r\n                      You want me to help you, Michael?\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      No. No way. Have a good time playing\r\n                      with yourself.\r\n\r\n               INT. OFFICE - BREAK ROOM - D1\r\n\r\n               Oscar and Kevin get coffee.\r\n\r\n                                 OSCAR\r\n                      So, you take her to shows.\r\n\r\n                                 KEVIN\r\n                      We've placed well in several local\r\n                      contests. I think she has the talent\r\n                      to go all the way.\r\n\r\n               Andy enters with a NEW FISH in a plastic bag.\r\n\r\n                                 ANDY\r\n                          (re: dog)\r\n                      She's a real beaut.\r\n\r\n                                 KEVIN\r\n                      Thanks.\r\n\r\n               Andy pets Kevin's dog. Caresses it in a creepy way.\r\n\r\n                                 ANDY\r\n                      Such a lovely creature. I had a dog,\r\n                      but we had to put her to sleep because\r\n                      of an allergy.\r\n\r\n                                 OSCAR\r\n                      You put a dog to sleep because of\r\n                      allergies?\r\n\r\n                                 ANDY\r\n                      Well, he also had rabies.\r\n\r\n               He looks out the window.\r\n\r\n               ANGLE ON: Angela sees Andy with the fish. Sneers.\r\n\r\n                                 ANDY (CONT'D)\r\n                      So sad.\r\n\r\n               Andy leaves crying.\r\n\r\n                                 OSCAR\r\n                      So. Are you thinking maybe Westminster\r\n                      one of these days?\r\n\r\n                                 KEVIN\r\n                      That's our goal.\r\n\r\n                                 OSCAR\r\n                      I'd love to go with you.\r\n\r\n               Awkward silence as Kevin stares at Oscar.\r\n\r\n                                 OSCAR (CONT'D)\r\n                      You know. If you ever make it.\r\n\r\n                                 KEVIN\r\n                      We'll make it. We don't play to lose.\r\n\r\n               KEVIN TALKING HEAD\r\n\r\n                                 KEVIN\r\n                      Oscar and I are getting along really\r\n                      well right now.\r\n                          (beat)\r\n                      I think I might be gay.\r\n\r\n               INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - D1\r\n\r\n               Michael calls Ryan on the speaker phone. Pam takes notes.\r\n\r\n                                 RYAN (O.S.)\r\n                      This is Ryan.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      My main man. How's it going?\r\n\r\n                                 RYAN (V.O.)\r\n                      Good, Michael. What do you want?\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Just wanted to rap. Run some things by\r\n                      you. Get a vibe off of the top dog.\r\n\r\n                                 RYAN (V.O.)\r\n                      I'm very busy. Why haven't you sent me\r\n                      the evaluation forms yet?\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      I'm working on it.\r\n\r\n                                 RYAN (O.S.)\r\n                      Michael. You know that everybody's\r\n                      raises depend on those forms. If you\r\n                      don't turn them in, then the Scranton\r\n                      office will not get raises this year.\r\n\r\n               Pam looks up.\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                      Is that true?\r\n\r\n                                 RYAN (V.O.)\r\n                      Who is that?\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Nobody. It's just Pam.\r\n\r\n               Pam looks dejected. \r\n\r\n                                 RYAN (O.S.)\r\n                      Good. Pam, let everybody know their\r\n                      raises depend on Michael getting me\r\n                      these evaluation forms.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      You don't need to tell them that.\r\n                      Look, Ry-dog. I was just curious if\r\n                      the situation would be different if\r\n                      something out of the ordinary\r\n                      happened.\r\n\r\n                                 RYAN (O.S.)\r\n                      Define out of the ordinary.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Oh, I don't know. What if a goat ate\r\n                      the forms?\r\n\r\n                                 RYAN (O.S.) \r\n                      Why would a goat eat the forms?\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      No reason. They were just out.\r\n\r\n                                 RYAN (O.S.)\r\n                      You have a goat in the office?\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      No! No goat. Maybe a dog ate them?\r\n\r\n                                 RYAN (O.S.)\r\n                      Are you telling me the dog ate your\r\n                      homework? Michael. There are no pets\r\n                      allowed in the office.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Ha! I'm just fooling with you. I, uh,\r\n                      there's no dog.\r\n\r\n               ANGLE ON: DARRELL enters with a pit bull. \r\n\r\n                                 DARRELL\r\n                      Meet Misty, everybody!\r\n\r\n               Misty starts BARKING at Dwight's ferret cage.\r\n\r\n               Dwight holds the cage up in a kung-fu pose.\r\n\r\n               BACK TO: Michael quickly hangs up the phone. Looks worried.\r\n\r\n               The phone RINGS. \r\n\r\n               Michael stares at it. Looks to Pam.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Don't answer that.\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n                                   END OF ACT ONE\r\n                                       ACT TWO\r\n\r\n               INT. OFFICE - BATHROOM - D1\r\n\r\n               Dwight stands in the stall. Looks to his right and sees Jim's\r\n               pet rock watching him.\r\n\r\n               INT. OFFICE - BREAK ROOM - D1\r\n\r\n               Getting coffee. Dwight sees Jim's pet rock staring from\r\n               behind a napkin rack.\r\n\r\n               INT. OFFICE - WAREHOUSE - D1\r\n\r\n               Dwight spies the pet rock amongst a pile of empty boxes.\r\n\r\n               JIM TALKING HEAD\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      It's not easy to give them all the\r\n                      same face. I spent four hours last\r\n                      night painting rocks. Maybe that's why\r\n                      Pam is mad at me.\r\n\r\n               INT. OFFICE - BREAK ROOM - D1\r\n\r\n               Michael approaches Jim.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Jimbo.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      What did we say about nicknames?\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Right. Not cool. You're right. I'm\r\n                      sorry.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      I'm kind of in the middle of this\r\n                      sandwich Michael.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Why aren't you eating with Pam?\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      She said she was busy.\r\n\r\n               ANGLE ON: Pam pushing away the goat as she sits at the\r\n               reception desk.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Oh, I see. Look, I need you to grade\r\n                      all of the employees in the branch.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      I think you need to be a little more\r\n                      specific.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Ryan has asked me to assign a letter\r\n                      grade to every employee in the\r\n                      Scranton branch. It's some corporate\r\n                      thing. You know how it is.\r\n\r\n               Phyllis enters.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      Phyllis, today you get an A.\r\n\r\n                                 PHYLLIS\r\n                      Thanks, Jim.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      Think nothing of it. Michael has asked\r\n                      me to grade everybody. I'm giving him\r\n                      a B because of that tie.\r\n\r\n               Michael looks down at his tie.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      You can't give me a B. I'm the boss.\r\n                      I'm an A. Always.\r\n\r\n                                 PHYLLIS\r\n                      Are these the money grades?\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      No. No money. Who told you that?\r\n\r\n                                 PHYLLIS\r\n                      Pam did.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Well, then, an F for Pam.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      Not if I'm giving the grades.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      You have to be serious. Okay, it's\r\n                      true. These grades will be used to\r\n                      help determine raises in the next\r\n                      fiscal year.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      Ryan asked you to assign the grades. I\r\n                      don't see how this is something I\r\n                      should do.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      I already did it once with Toby.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      Yet another person who isn't me.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      I can't go back to Toby. He'll lord it\r\n                      over me in that smug way of his. I'm\r\n                      assigning this task to you.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      You should have Dwight do this. He\r\n                      loves this sort of thing.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      You're my number two. Just remember,\r\n                      everybody's raises depend on your\r\n                      judgement.\r\n\r\n               Michael walks away.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL (CONT'D)\r\n                      Phyllis. Please try to keep this a\r\n                      secret.\r\n\r\n               INT. OFFICE - D1\r\n\r\n               Andy taps his fish bowl. Dead again.\r\n\r\n               Meredith looks around to see if anybody is watching. She\r\n               takes the hamster out of its cage and places it in front of\r\n               the cat.\r\n\r\n               Jim enters.\r\n\r\n               Everybody crowds around him.\r\n\r\n                                 KELLY\r\n                      Jim, you look so handsome today.\r\n\r\n                                 OSCAR\r\n                      That's a really sharp tie.\r\n\r\n               Creed pulls at his tie and unbuttons his top button to look\r\n               more like Jim.\r\n\r\n                                 CREED\r\n                      Yeah. That's a good look, buddy.\r\n\r\n               STANLEY hands him a Diet Coke.\r\n\r\n                                 STANLEY\r\n                      I bought a Diet Coke instead of a\r\n                      regular. I'd like you to have it.\r\n\r\n               Dwight looks suspicious.\r\n\r\n                                 DWIGHT\r\n                      What is going on? Why are you all\r\n                      being so nice to Jim?\r\n\r\n                                 PHYLLIS\r\n                      We like Jim.\r\n\r\n                                 DWIGHT\r\n                      Nobody likes anybody else here that\r\n                      much and you all know it. Something's\r\n                      up.\r\n\r\n                                 PHYLLIS\r\n                      Michael put Jim in charge of giving\r\n                      grades to the rest of the branch, and\r\n                      those grades will determine our raises\r\n                      this year.\r\n\r\n                                 DWIGHT\r\n                      Michael would never put you in charge\r\n                      of something so important. Besides, he\r\n                      already asked me to do that. I flunked\r\n                      everybody.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      Guess he wanted a second opinion.\r\n\r\n                                 DWIGHT\r\n                      I knew I shouldn't have gone to the\r\n                      dojo for lunch.\r\n\r\n               Dwight rushes over to Michael's office.\r\n\r\n               INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS - D1\r\n\r\n               Dwight enters. Michael has a picture of a lion open on his\r\n               computer.\r\n\r\n                                 DWIGHT\r\n                      Michael. I demand to know why you have\r\n                      put Jim in charge of evaluating the\r\n                      personnel here.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Jim is my number two. I gave him the\r\n                      assignment.\r\n\r\n                                 DWIGHT\r\n                      I already keep a detailed file on all\r\n                      employee misconduct. What was wrong\r\n                      with my grades?\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      You wanted me to fire everybody!\r\n\r\n                                 DWIGHT\r\n                      Yes. So we can run this thing the\r\n                      right way. You and me. We'll barricade\r\n                      the doors and keep corporate out. We\r\n                      can keep Pam and Angela around to\r\n                      repopulate the office.\r\n\r\n               Michael briefly considers this.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      No. That's too complicated. And weird.\r\n                      Jim will get this done.\r\n\r\n                                 DWIGHT\r\n                      I don't agree with this decision.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Well. No one asked you, and besides, I\r\n                      make very good decisions.\r\n\r\n               ANGLE ON: Creed's Pigeon DIVE BOMBS Kelly coming out of the\r\n               bathroom.\r\n\r\n               INT. OFFICE - ACCOUNTING - D1\r\n\r\n               Kevin and Oscar punch numbers into their computers.\r\n\r\n                                 OSCAR\r\n                      Hey, can I borrow your stapler?\r\n\r\n                                 KEVIN\r\n                      Sure.\r\n\r\n               Kevin hands his stapler over and his and Oscar's hands touch\r\n               for a moment.\r\n\r\n               Oscar takes the stapler and goes about his business. Kevin\r\n               lets his hand linger in the air for a moment and keeps gazing\r\n               at Oscar.\r\n\r\n               OSCAR TALKING HEAD\r\n\r\n                                 OSCAR\r\n                      Yes, I have noticed it. I keep hoping\r\n                      that Kevin is just hungry and my head\r\n                      reminds him of a jelly donut.\r\n\r\n               INT. OFFICE - FRONT DESK - D1\r\n\r\n               Jim and Pam talk. \r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      This must be what it's like to be\r\n                      famous.\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                      You're having a good day now, Halpert.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      I'm not sure how I'm going to do this.\r\n                      All I know is that you're getting an\r\n                      A. Maybe I can give Dwight an E just\r\n                      to piss him off.\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                      I don't care how you grade everybody\r\n                      else, as long as you get an A.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      I don't know if I can do that. Won't\r\n                      everybody hate me if I give myself a\r\n                      good grade?\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                      Who cares. You need to start thinking\r\n                      about the future.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      Sure thing. I'll have the best grades\r\n                      at Dunder-Mifflin Middle School.\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                      I'm serious. This is a chance for you\r\n                      to give yourself a little security.\r\n                      Give us a little security.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      What did that dentist do to make you\r\n                      so serious today?\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                      I just think it might be time for you\r\n                      to grow up.\r\n\r\n               INT. OFFICE - ANNEX - D1\r\n\r\n               The goat walks by Toby's desk. Nuzzles him.\r\n\r\n                                 TOBY\r\n                      Pam?\r\n                          (sees the goat)\r\n                      Oh.\r\n\r\n               The trainer hands him the goat's leash.\r\n\r\n                                 TRAINER\r\n                      Hey, I'm going to take Kelly out to\r\n                      lunch. Do you think you can watch Suzy\r\n                      for me while I'm gone.\r\n\r\n                                 TOBY\r\n                      Sure.\r\n\r\n                                 TRAINER\r\n                      You're the bomb, dude.\r\n\r\n                                 TOBY\r\n                          (to goat)\r\n                      Hi, Suzy. My name's Toby.\r\n\r\n               INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - D1\r\n\r\n               Jim enters and hands Michael a piece of paper.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      You gave everybody A's.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      What can I say? This office rules. It\r\n                      all starts at the top.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      That's a great idea.\r\n\r\n               He dials his speakerphone.\r\n\r\n                                 RYAN'S ASSISTANT (O.S.)\r\n                      Ryan Howard's office.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Michael Scott for Ryan.\r\n\r\n                                 RYAN'S ASSISTANT (O.S.)\r\n                      I'm not supposed to put you through\r\n                      unless you have grades.\r\n\r\n               Michael makes a face.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      I have grades.\r\n\r\n                                 RYAN'S ASSISTANT (O.S.)\r\n                      Okay.\r\n\r\n                                 RYAN (O.S.)\r\n                      This is Ryan.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      All A's.\r\n\r\n                                 RYAN (O.S.)\r\n                      That's not possible.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      What can I say? It's great management.\r\n\r\n               Michael winks at Jim. \r\n\r\n               Jim gives him a thumbs up.\r\n\r\n                                 RYAN (O.S.)\r\n                      No, Michael. That is terrible\r\n                      management. Look, this shouldn't be so\r\n                      hard.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      That's what she said.\r\n\r\n               He puts up a high five to Jim.\r\n\r\n               Jim shakes his head \"no.\"\r\n\r\n                                 RYAN (O.S.)\r\n                      You need to grade your employees on a\r\n                      curve. Determine who the top\r\n                      performers are, who is average and who\r\n                      we need to put some pressure on to\r\n                      perform.\r\n\r\n               He hangs up.\r\n\r\n               Michael throws his hands up. Walks out of his office.\r\n\r\n               INT. OFFICE - CONTINUOUS - D1\r\n\r\n               Michael rounds up the troops.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Conference room, everybody. We're\r\n                      going to figure out everybody's\r\n                      grades.\r\n\r\n               Everybody begrudgingly gets up and moves to the conference\r\n               room.\r\n\r\n               INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - D1\r\n\r\n               Everybody sits down, animals in tow. Dogs bark. Birds chirp.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      No. Pets outside.\r\n\r\n                                 PHYLLIS\r\n                      We can't just leave our pets alone.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Pam will watch them.\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                      What about my grade?\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      You get an A.\r\n\r\n                                 STANLEY\r\n                      Why does she get an A?\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Pam is my rock. She helps me out every\r\n                      day and this place couldn't run\r\n                      without her.\r\n\r\n               Pam is taken aback.\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                      Thanks, Michael.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      You're welcome. Make sure nobody poops\r\n                      in my office.\r\n\r\n               And the moment is over.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL (CONT'D)\r\n                      Okay, we need to assign letter grades\r\n                      to everybody in the office.\r\n\r\n               Dwight stands.\r\n\r\n                                 DWIGHT\r\n                      We'll start with the weakest people\r\n                      first. Meredith, why should I give you\r\n                      more than a D?\r\n\r\n               The camera looks for Meredith. She's not in the room.\r\n\r\n               ANGLE ON: Meredith coming out of the kitchen putting a FLASK\r\n               into her purse. She looks around the empty office, sees the\r\n               animals and Pam. Shrugs and sits at her desk.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Nobody's getting a D. We have to grade\r\n                      on a curve, so that just means more As\r\n                      a few Bs and one or two Cs.\r\n\r\n                                 STANLEY\r\n                      That's not a curve. That's a slope.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Really, Stanley? What do you know\r\n                      about it.\r\n\r\n                                 STANLEY\r\n                      I was a middle school math teacher\r\n                      before I started selling paper.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Really?\r\n\r\n               Stanley sighs.\r\n\r\n                                 STANLEY\r\n                      Somebody else explain it to him.\r\n\r\n               Andy goes up to the whiteboard.\r\n\r\n                                 ANDY\r\n                      I'm just going to take a stab at it.\r\n                      They did teach us a few things at\r\n                      Cornell.\r\n\r\n               He draws a curve on the board.\r\n\r\n                                 ANDY (CONT'D)\r\n                      The basic principal is that most\r\n                      people are average. So, you'll have a\r\n                      few A's and B's, mostly C's and a few\r\n                      D's and F's.\r\n\r\n               He continues making notes on the diagram.\r\n\r\n                                 ANDY (CONT'D)\r\n                      Of course, you can also adapt it by\r\n                      making the highest mark anybody scores\r\n                      equal 100, and then adjust from there.\r\n                      Bumping all lower grades up slightly.\r\n\r\n               Michael shakes his head.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Why are you wasting my time? Show of\r\n                      hands, who wants to be in the 'C'\r\n                      group?\r\n\r\n               Nobody raises their hands.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL (CONT'D)\r\n                      Come on, people. You can see the\r\n                      chart. Most of you are just average.\r\n\r\n                                 DWIGHT\r\n                      They wish.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      There has to be a fair way to do this.\r\n\r\n                                 DWIGHT\r\n                      We could base it on sales.\r\n\r\n                                 KELLY\r\n                      That's totally not fair to those of us\r\n                      who don't make sales.\r\n\r\n                                 PHYLLIS\r\n                      Well, you aren't contributing as much\r\n                      to the income of the office.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Phyllis, your sales aren't that good,\r\n                      anyway.\r\n\r\n                                 ANGELA\r\n                      Why don't we award morality and base\r\n                      it on who gets caught the least\r\n                      stealing from the refrigerator.\r\n\r\n               She gives Kevin a dirty look.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      What if we did a random draw?\r\n\r\n                                 STANLEY\r\n                      I always figured my raises were random\r\n                      anyway.\r\n\r\n                                 KELLY\r\n                      What if, like, we totally played a\r\n                      game like Scattergories? That way,\r\n                      there would be some skill involved.\r\n\r\n                                 KEVIN\r\n                      I vote for poker.\r\n\r\n                                 OSCAR\r\n                      This is silly. Why don't we just base\r\n                      it off of our employee reviews? Isn't\r\n                      there a scoring system in place there\r\n                      already?\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      That's no good. I threw out all of the\r\n                      records when I was making room for the\r\n                      new couch in my office.\r\n\r\n                                 OSCAR\r\n                      You what!\r\n\r\n                                 PHYLLIS\r\n                      Michael. Those are our permanent\r\n                      records. We need those for the future.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Don't be so dramatic. Nobody here has\r\n                      a future.\r\n\r\n               Nobody argues his point.\r\n\r\n               INT. OFFICE - D1\r\n\r\n               The pit bull and the poodle start fighting with each other.\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                      Oh my God!\r\n\r\n               ANGLE ON: Darrell argues with the animal trainer.\r\n\r\n               ANGLE ON: Kelly smiles.\r\n\r\n               Pam tries to stop the dogs from fighting.\r\n\r\n               Dwight charges in.\r\n\r\n                                 DWIGHT\r\n                      Stay out of this, Pam. Let a\r\n                      professional handle it.\r\n\r\n               He opens his ferret cage.\r\n\r\n               The ferret darts away from the two fighting dogs, knocking\r\n               over the parakeet cage and setting the bird free.\r\n\r\n               The parakeet and pigeon fly around.\r\n\r\n               The cat screeches.\r\n\r\n               The goat starts kicking at desks.\r\n\r\n               Mayhem in the office as everybody scrambles to contain their\r\n               pets.\r\n\r\n               The ferret attacks Pam and latches onto her shirt.\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                      Get it off! Get it off me!\r\n\r\n               ANGLE ON: Jim bolts over to help her.\r\n\r\n                                 DWIGHT\r\n                      Jim, be careful! He's a trained\r\n                      killer!\r\n\r\n               Jim reaches Pam. Pulls the rodent away from her stuffs it in\r\n               a trash can and flips it over on top of Dwight's desk.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      It's okay. I'm here. Did he bite you?\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                      It bit my leg. I'm okay, though.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      Come here.\r\n\r\n               Jim holds her. She grabs on to him.\r\n\r\n               Dwight looks into trash can.\r\n\r\n                                 DWIGHT\r\n                      We need to get you more training.\r\n\r\n               PAM TALKING HEAD\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                      It's great to be one of the only\r\n                      people in the world who has to get a\r\n                      tetanus shot after pet day at the\r\n                      office. Jim was my shining hero today,\r\n                      though. He's a pretty good guy to have\r\n                      around. I am very lucky.\r\n\r\n               She smiles.\r\n\r\n               INT. OFFICE - D1\r\n\r\n               Darrell comes over to Kevin and Oscar. They look down.\r\n\r\n                                 KEVIN\r\n                      I guess they weren't really fighting.\r\n\r\n               The sounds of doggy love can be heard.\r\n\r\n                                 DARRELL\r\n                      Yeah, he's a horny bastard.\r\n\r\n                                 OSCAR\r\n                      Why aren't you stopping this?\r\n\r\n                                 KEVIN\r\n                      I don't know. It's pretty funny.\r\n\r\n                                 OSCAR\r\n                      Those two dogs together. It's\r\n                      disgusting. It's unnatural.\r\n\r\n               Oscar walks away.\r\n\r\n               Kevin looks hurt. \r\n\r\n               Darrell stands next to him.\r\n\r\n                                 DARRELL\r\n                      That's a cute poodle, man.\r\n\r\n               Kevin is happy again.\r\n\r\n                                 KEVIN\r\n                      Thanks.\r\n\r\n               INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - D1\r\n\r\n               Toby walks up to a dejected Michael.\r\n\r\n                                 TOBY\r\n                      Michael. I keep extra copies of\r\n                      everybody's reviews.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Of course, you would wait to tell me\r\n                      now.\r\n\r\n                                 TOBY\r\n                      You never asked me.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      You know, Toby. I shouldn't have to.\r\n                      Never mind. What scores do people get?\r\n\r\n                                 TOBY\r\n                      We keep everybody at a C or above, and\r\n                      put upper management at the bottom.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      You mean I get an F?\r\n\r\n                                 TOBY\r\n                      We both do.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      But, is yours lower?\r\n\r\n                                 TOBY\r\n                      Sure.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      Okay, then.\r\n\r\n               INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - D1\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      You know, the whole idea was to find\r\n                      out who the weakest link is. Of\r\n                      course, as management, I'll always put\r\n                      myself below my employees.\r\n\r\n               INT. OFFICE - BATHROOM - D1\r\n\r\n               Andy flushes the toilet and salutes his latest loss.\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL (V.O.)\r\n                      Of course, Toby gets the lowest grade.\r\n                      An F-minus-minus. I added the extra\r\n                      minus just to make sure Ryan knows\r\n                      he's the worst.\r\n\r\n               INT. OFFICE - ANNEX - D1\r\n\r\n               Toby and the goat stare at each other. He looks around for\r\n               the trainer, who is apparently gone.\r\n\r\n                                 TOBY\r\n                      You want to go home with Toby?\r\n\r\n               The goat nuzzles Toby's hand.\r\n\r\n                                 TOBY (CONT'D)\r\n                      Come along, then.\r\n\r\n               They walk out together.\r\n\r\n               MICHAEL TALKING HEAD\r\n\r\n                                 MICHAEL\r\n                      But you know what, the weakest link\r\n                      needs to step up. \r\n                          (beat)\r\n                      And Toby really stepped it up today.\r\n\r\n               EXT. PARKING LOT - NIGHT 1\r\n\r\n               Jim and Pam stand beside his car.\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                      I'm really sorry I was so mean today.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      It's a good thing I convinced Dwight\r\n                      to bring his rabid ferret into work.\r\n\r\n               Pam play slaps Jim.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM (CONT'D)\r\n                      Hey. I'm here for you. Always. You got\r\n                      that, Beasley?\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                      Yeah. I got it.\r\n\r\n               She reaches into her coat pocket and pulls out a NEW PET\r\n               ROCK.\r\n\r\n                                 PAM (CONT'D)\r\n                      I painted one that looks like you.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      Is my nose really that big?\r\n\r\n               She puts another rock painted to look like her next to his on\r\n               her palm.\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                      This one is me.\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      Those are some good looking rocks.\r\n\r\n                                 PAM\r\n                      You think so?\r\n\r\n                                 JIM\r\n                      Of course.\r\n\r\n               He smiles and leans in to kiss her.\r\n\r\n               She pulls away and pulls a smaller rock from her pocket. This\r\n               one is painted like a baby.\r\n\r\n               She places it with the other two rocks on her hand. \r\n\r\n               Jim looks from the rocks to Pam and back to the rocks.\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n                                     END OF SHOW\r\n\r\n<\/pre>\n<div style=\"padding-bottom:20px; padding-top:10px;\" class=\"hupso-share-buttons\"><!-- Hupso Share Buttons - https:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/ --><a class=\"hupso_toolbar\" href=\"https:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/buttons\/dot.png\" style=\"border:0px; padding-top: 5px; float:left;\" alt=\"Share Button\"\/><\/a><script type=\"text\/javascript\">var hupso_services_t=new Array(\"Twitter\",\"Facebook\",\"Google Plus\",\"Pinterest\",\"Linkedin\",\"Tumblr\");var hupso_background_t=\"#EAF4FF\";var hupso_border_t=\"#66CCFF\";var hupso_toolbar_size_t=\"medium\";var hupso_image_folder_url = \"\";var hupso_twitter_via=\"hgmiller\";var hupso_url_t=\"\";var hupso_title_t=\"The%20Office%20Spec%20-%20%22Bring%20Your%20Pet%20to%20Work%20Day%22\";<\/script><script type=\"text\/javascript\" src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/js\/share_toolbar.js\"><\/script><!-- Hupso Share Buttons --><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>COLD OPEN FADE IN: INT. OFFICE &#8211; DAY &#8211; D1 PAM enters. Pulls off her coat and scarf as she sits down. Picks up the phone and starts checking messages. ANGLE ON: A CAT walks across Pam&#8217;s desk. She looks up at the cat. Looks to her right and sees a GOAT eating paper. Pam&#8230;<\/p>\n<div style=\"padding-bottom:20px; padding-top:10px;\" class=\"hupso-share-buttons\"><!-- Hupso Share Buttons - https:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/ --><a class=\"hupso_toolbar\" href=\"https:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/\"><img src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/buttons\/dot.png\" style=\"border:0px; padding-top: 5px; float:left;\" alt=\"Share Button\"\/><\/a><script type=\"text\/javascript\">var hupso_services_t=new Array(\"Twitter\",\"Facebook\",\"Google Plus\",\"Pinterest\",\"Linkedin\",\"Tumblr\");var hupso_background_t=\"#EAF4FF\";var hupso_border_t=\"#66CCFF\";var hupso_toolbar_size_t=\"medium\";var hupso_image_folder_url = \"\";var hupso_twitter_via=\"hgmiller\";var hupso_url_t=\"\";var hupso_title_t=\"The%20Office%20Spec%20-%20%22Bring%20Your%20Pet%20to%20Work%20Day%22\";<\/script><script type=\"text\/javascript\" src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/js\/share_toolbar.js\"><\/script><!-- Hupso Share Buttons --><\/div>","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[57,1,64],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-804","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-features","category-general","category-spec-scripts"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hgmiller.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/804"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hgmiller.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hgmiller.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hgmiller.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hgmiller.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=804"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.hgmiller.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/804\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":805,"href":"https:\/\/www.hgmiller.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/804\/revisions\/805"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hgmiller.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=804"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hgmiller.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=804"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hgmiller.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=804"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}