What I Learned This Weekend: Vegetables can develop personality. That is, if you leave a half-eaten piece of fruit in the fridge for about six weeks, it will develop anthropomorphic characteristics and scare the crap out of you once you try to dispose of it. (Quick aside: I spelled anthropomorphic correct on my very first… Read more

What I learned this weekend:My neighbors paid too much for their house. I’m not a real estate expert, but is a house really worth anything when you’ve got me staring into your bedroom window most nights? Let me rephrase that. I live on the second floor of a two story apartment building that was built… Read more

What I learned this weekend: I have what the cool kids are calling “social network fatigue.” I am also, apparently, what the fine folks at Business Week call a “fogey.” Here’s the deal: I work in advertising. As such, pressures exist to stay on top of all the current trends. Thus, I have always been… Read more

What I learned this weekend: You shouldn’t eat Japanese food and Mexican food within an hour of each other. Understand, I’m not saying you can’t eat these two unique cuisines between ticks of the hour hand, I’m just saying that it isn’t a suggested practice. The whole thing went down like this. Dinner plans had… Read more

My intake of Food Network programming needs to be monitored closely. Sunday was one of those days when the remote falls off the couch and no amount of persuasion will coax the cat into nudging it close enough for me to grab without getting up. So, I spent the next few hours watching a variety… Read more

You shouldn’t charge a cover if your bar smells like feces. I’m sure we would have gone in anyway, because we were in the mood to party, but it would have been nice if the bouncer informed us of the sewage issues inside before asking us to pay ten bucks each to get in. Once… Read more

People do not like to have their children compared to domesticated animals. So, I packed up the bride and drove deep into the OC this weekend for a birthday barbecue. Down into the parts of Orange County that are ignored by network television because they aren’t by a beach or populated with enough foul-mouthed youngsters.… Read more

You can’t buy a wedding gift for people who are divorcing. Let’s face it, life is complicated enough when you find yourself on the outs with your spouse after only six months of marriage. The last thing you need is a set of antique-esque serving spoons to decide the custody of. Sure, the wife is… Read more

NEW FEATURE! There is currently only one thing you are allowed to talk about at parties in Los Angeles right now: Real Estate. The conversation arc is nearly identical, whether you’re slinging back ten dollar drinks in a hip Hollywood bar or hanging out by the barbecue in someone’s back yard. 1.) Everyone exclaims their… Read more