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A few headlines to get you to the weekend.

A police dog in Massachusetts accidentally fired a gun he found in a snowbank during a search last week. The dog has been signed by Death Row records and plans to start beef with Snoopy.

Facebook announced that the social network would be rolling out a new design. In anticipation of the change, many Facebook users have already been bitching about the update for months.

Senator Rand Paul brought back memories of Jimmy Stewart this week when he spent nearly 13 hours filibustering the President’s nominee to head the CIA, finally stopping when his bladder would hold out no more. Attorney General Eric Holder sent a succinct two sentence response that seemed to satisfy Senator Paul. The second sentence read: “I’m writing this from the bathroom.”

Finally, the Dow Jones Industrial Average reached a record high this week, despite the passage of the so-called “Sequester,” proving once again that money is actually fake, and nobody knows anything about the stock market.

I hope that E*Trade baby is happy.

Have a great weekend!

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