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Here’s your weekly news fix heading into the weekend.

San Francisco’s animal control agency has found a second life for discarded newspapers, partnering with a local library to gather copies and use them to line the cages in their kennel. So, score one for print. Nobody wants a stray dog crapping on their iPhone.

In other poop-related news, repeated vandalism at a school in Mahony City, Pennsylvania, has forced the principal to remove all toilet paper from the boys bathrooms. It seems kids these days are into clogging up the crappers by stuffing them full of bumf. The toilet paper will now be issued on a per request basis, which is great, because I know when I was in high school, I wanted to make sure the Principal’s hot secretary was aware of when I had to go to the bathroom.

A man in Seattle was disappointed last week when police confiscated a missile launcher he bought from someone waiting in line at a gun buyback event. Somewhat sad but cautious, the man quietly backed his tank out if the parking lot and went home before the authorities told him he couldn’t have that either.

There has been a lot of saber-rattling in the Middle East and Asia lately, but Iran turned heads by claiming they sent a monkey into space and brought him home safely. I’ll say this: if there’s one thing that will make people forget about your growing nuclear arsenal, it’s a cute fuzzy monkey.

On this continent, the company Research in Motion tried to make a splash this week by announcing they were renaming themselves Blackberry and introducing two new smart phones, the Z10 and Q10. When asked for comment, Apple said “are they still here?”

Officials in Aspen, Colorado are exploring the costs of putting up 14 mph speed limit signs in a neighborhood that is frequently used by motorists to avoid highway congestion. The odd number is being considered because studies have shown that motorists may not pay as much attention to speed limits ending in a five or a zero. One thing is for sure: Sammy Hagar is never going to Aspen again.

It was a big week in traffic sign news, as New York City also announced that it would be pulling down ‘Don’t Honk’ signs that have been in place since the 80s. City officials say the decision is part of an effort to de-clutter the streets of signs that generally go ignored. Several tourists were happy with the news, saying Times Square will be much easier to take in now with one less than a billion signs.

Have a great weekend!

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