Oranges

  Okay, the guy sitting across from me on the train just finished peeling an orange, and it smells wonderful. Generally speaking, the scents one experiences in transit are something less than great. Actually, the olfactory assault is usually quite intense. After trying to mask the body odor of a half-dozen intransients on the subway… Read more

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Space Head 

There are many options for the headgear you might use when trying to block out the inane conversations fellow train passengers have, even on the quiet car. I don’t know why he went to Susan instead of you. You’re probably lucky he didn’t just report you to HR. Stop talking!!! Of late, the bright white… Read more

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Phone Booth

Somebody decided to take their frustrations with this world out on a lonely phone booth outside of the metro station today. I was wary of this gentleman, but figured he must have good reasons for the attack, even if they are only inside his own mind. More, though, I was taken aback at the existence… Read more

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Lullaby

Last night, my younger daughter was doing her normal fidgeting in the crib before she fell asleep, when she made a new demand. “Sing A-B-C,” she muttered while flipping her pillow over and over and over again. I realized in that moment that I sing to her much less than I did her older sister.… Read more

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Under Couch World

The only real mistake you can make as a parent is to point a flashlight into the abyss under your living room couch. There is a moment at the end of each night when the kids are asleep, work assignments are finished, Netflix is cued up and all the toys have been put away. The… Read more

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Dry Erase Dreams

Sharon drew a line across the giant white board. Then, she drew one down the left side. “What we need is a matrix,” she said. It sounded like a pretty good idea. “We’ll put the messages we need to send across the top, and the people we need to talk to on the side.” We… Read more

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Security Questions – Part 3

Setting up an account with the Franchise Tax Board to pay my taxes, and this is what they wanted to know. If you could change any feature about yourself what would it be? Okay, first things first. I don’t mean to be an asshole about this, but can’t you at least make the grammar correct… Read more

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Porkadise Found

Now that their recent scare with tainted food supply has passed, Chipotle has decided on another tactic to make me sick. Bad advertising. I submit Exhibit A.   Let’s dissect this ad a bit and see if we can figure out where things went wrong. Normally, I’d advise against using sepia tone on a food… Read more

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Eye Doctor

“Have you ever seen the inside of your retina before?” It wasn’t the best pick up line I’d ever heard, but he did pique my interest. “I have not,” I admitted. “Should I?” “Everybody should.” My new optometrist got very excited. “I just want you to know, it’s a little strange if you haven’t seen… Read more

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Overheard on the Elevator

Three people who seemed to know each other got onto the elevator with me coming back from lunch today. There was the usual awkward moment of silence, when the female in the group said, “I just don’t like cinnamon that much.” It was an odd thing to say in mixed company, but one can guess… Read more

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