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Published:
10/16/02

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Window Cling Mystery

By H.G. Miller

I'm worried about the guy who works at the video store next to my office building. At least, I'm assuming it's a guy. It could be a girl - this is a person I've never seen before, and I don't want to make the assumption that the job can only be done by a member of the male species. I took some women's studies classes in college. I'm all into equality and all of that. Women rock. But, there's only one thing I can call this person who I'm talking about and it just seems to be easier for me to say guy, and it's probably because I've had this masculine dominated semantic structure thrust upon me ever since I was a small child and first learned to manipulate the English language, but hey, those are the breaks. So get over it.

So, I'm worried about the guy who works at the video store next to my office building.

He's the guy who puts up all the signage and stuff. There are a bunch of big picture windows facing the street and they always have these window clings touting whatever the latest feature is to come down the pike.

At least, they used to.

The Vanilla Sky promo has been up for a while now. I mean, way longer than normal, and we're coming upon the big winter season, when the movie store should be touting all the summer blockbusters that are coming out on DVD for holiday purchase.

Vanilla Sky was released in the muddle of late summer rentals that just try to catch the kids before they go to school.

So, what I'm wondering is, what happened to the guy who changes the signs? Who makes the clings, well… cling? Who makes my heart sing with the hope of bountiful Hollywood entertainment options?

Is he okay?

Maybe he's just on vacation. But, what an odd time to go - the autumn season. Maybe he's visiting family back east. I hear it's nice there this time of year. But, why has he been gone for so long? Has he been working for like five years straight and building up vacation time?

Did he quit? Just put up that Vanilla Sky poster with Tom Cruise looking like Tom Cruise and realized it was the same facial expression as the Tom Cruise poster for Mission Impossible 2 and he couldn't stand the redundancy of it anymore? Could they not find a suitable replacement to perform the window cling service? Is there a specialized training course that takes months to complete and the new guy will be ready just in time for the winter blockbusters?

But, what about the old guy? Did he get a better job? Move to another store? Maybe the one down the street pays better. Maybe there was a bidding war for his window cling prowess and he's making fat cash clinging up windows for a rival video chain.

Man, I bet he's driving a nice car, then.

Oh no. What if he's dead! Why? What did he ever do to anybody? Just puts up ads for new movies, man. Let's you know what's coming out so you can decide whether or not you want to stop in to the video store before you head home for the evening. It's not his fault Vanilla Sky blew.

Maybe I should go into the store and start asking some questions. See if there's some kind of conspiracy going on. That cashier always smiles at me just a little too long, if you know what I mean. She's hiding something. I can tell.

Oh, I will get to the bottom of this. I will find out the truth… I will.