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ACT 1
A STRONG CUP OF YOGA
INT. WILL AND GRACE'S APARTMENT - MORNING
WILL EATS BREAKFAST. MELANCHOLY ALL OVER HIS FACE.
GRACE ENTERS.
GRACE
You look a little down there, skipper.
WILL
Oh. Just go away.
GRACE
What? Bad date?
WILL LOOKS AT GRACE. GUILTY.
GRACE
You went out last night!
WILL
No.
GRACE LOOKS WILL IN THE EYE. HE TURNS AWAY. SHE MOVES AROUND WILL
UNTIL SHE MAKES EYE CONTACT AGAIN.
WILL
Maybe...
HE TURNS. SHE FOLLOWS. MORE EYE CONTACT.
WILL
Yes...
GRACE
Oh! Who, who? Tell me now.
WILL TURNS AWAY. GRACE FOLLOWS.
GRACE
That cute lawyer from your office party?
MORE TURNING AND FOLLOWING.
GRACE
One of Jack's friends. The delivery guy.
The bellboy.
WILL
The bellboy?
GRACE
What? He's cute.
WILL
He doesn't speak English.
GRACE
I didn't know that was a requirement.
Who then? You didn't use a dating
service or anything.
WILL DOESN'T RESPOND. GRACE EYEBALLS HIM AGAIN. HE PULLS HIS
SHIRT UP OVER HIS EYES.
GRACE
Oh my god! You- Oh... My... God!!
JACK ENTERS THE APARTMENT.
JACK
Jack is here. Your day may begin.
GRACE WALKS UP TO JACK WITH A HUGE SMILE ON HER FACE.
JACK
Too much Vivrin this morning, Pipi?
GRACE
Will used a dating service and went out
with a guy last night.
GRACE AWAITS A REACTION. GETS LITTLE FROM JACK.
JACK
Humph. I've done that.
WILL
You?
JACK
Sure.
JACK MOVES INTO THE KITCHEN. BEGINS NONCHALANTLY TAKING APART THE
COFFEE MAKER.
JACK
As a celebrity, I have to be careful
that I am not just having a meaningless
sex tryst with somebody who only sees
me as a symbol of their fantasies.
WILL
Jack, all sex you have is meaningless.
JACK
But, I want them to be having
meaningless sex with the real me. It's
part of my personal paradox. Isn't it
cool!
JACK FINISHES BUNDLING UP THE COFFEE MAKER. EXITS.
WILL
Did he just take our coffee machine?
GRACE
Yeah. I had to go steal our microwave
back last week. Hey, I know something
that might cheer you up.
WILL
I've told you, no more heroin.
GRACE
No. I've been reading up on yoga lately.
It's supposed to cleanse your spirit.
Maybe you should try it.
WILL
Na. I can't do the whole stretchy thing.
I just start feeling like Mr. Fantastic,
who keeps hiding away his lust for The
Thing.
GRACE
Okay. Lay off the Cartoon Network.
Anyway, it's about more than stretching,
Will. It's about breathing and
meditation and... flexibility...
WILL
It's about a bunch of former gymnasts
laying around on floor mats and seeing
who can contort themselves in the most
freakish way. Look, this is just some
kick your on. Next, you'll be lighting
weird candles and getting coffee enemas.
GRACE LOOKS AWAY AT THIS COMMENT.
WILL MOVES IN FOR THE EYE CONTACT.
GRACE
They're very good for you system.
WILL
Oh!
INT. GRACE'S WORKPLACE - DAY
GRACE WORKS. KAREN COMES IN.
KAREN
Oh, darling. I think it's warm enough
in here without you in that color.
GRACE
Just trying to defrost your icy black
heart.
KAREN TAKES OFFENSE.
GRACE
I'm sorry. I'm being mean. I should stop.
KAREN
Darn right. Being mean is my job. You'd
better not start drinking, too.
KAREN PULLS A FLASK FROM HER PURSE. TAKES A SWIG.
GRACE
I'm thinking of starting a yoga class.
See if I can't cleanse my spirit. Hey,
you want to join me?
KAREN
Honey, these legs haven't gone past my
waist since Stan took me to Morocco for
our honeymoon.
GRACE
But, they have beginner classes. You
can learn.
KAREN
Oh yeah?
GRACE
Yeah. And there's an introductory rate
right now.
KAREN
Really?
GRACE
And the instructor's cute.
KAREN
I like that.
GRACE
And he'll be wearing tights.
KAREN
Well, sign me up, honey.
GRACE
You mean it?
KAREN
No. But wasn't that fun?
GRACE GIVES UP.
KAREN PULLS OUT A BROCHURE AND A PENCIL.
KAREN
Honey. How far away do you have to be
from another vehicle before you can use
your brights on the highway?
GRACE
Why? Did Rosario beat you in Trivial
Pursuit again?
KAREN
That bitch cheats! (CATCHES HERSELF)
Oh, no. I'm studying for my driver's
test.
GRACE
When's your appointment?
KAREN
I didn't make one. I figure I'll just
drop by the DMV tomorrow.
GRACE LAUGHS.
KAREN
What?
GRACE
Karen, you'll be there forever. Haven't
you done this before?
KAREN
Well, Stan always took care of these
things. I don't know how, but some nice
gentleman from the DMV always dropped
my license off for me.
GRACE
What, some guy named Vito?
KAREN
Don't be silly. His name was... Little
Anthony.
INT. WILL'S OFFICE - DAY
WILL WORKS AT HIS DESK. AN INTERN DROPS OFF A PACKAGE.
INTERN
These forms are for you, Mr. Truman.
WILL
Thanks, Tommy. How are you today?
TOMMY
Me? I'm fine.
TOMMY SITS DOWN EAGERLY. WILL LOOKS UP, HAVING EXPECTED HIM TO GO
ABOUT HIS DAY.
TOMMY
How are you doing?
WILL
I'm fine.
TOMMY
Yeah? Cool. So, what's going on?
WILL
(PLAYING ALONG) Just trying to work.
TOMMY
Man keeping you down?
WILL
Sort of.
TOMMY
So, what else is going on?
WILL
Not much.
TOMMY
Personal life's okay?
WILL
Well, Grace-
TOMMY
Who's Grace? That your girlfriend?
TOMMY SHINES A GOOFY GRIN.
WILL
She's my roommate.
TOMMY
Oh. Living with a woman. Is she cute?
Is it, you know?
WILL
You don't know much about me, do you,
Tommy?
TOMMY JUST KEEPS ON SMILING.
TOMMY
Huh-uh.
WILL STANDS UP. TOSSES A FOLDER OUT THE OFFICE DOOR.
WILL
Could you get that?
TOMMY
Sure!
TOMMY RUNS AFTER THE FOLDER. WILL CLOSES THE DOOR AFTER HE'S GONE.
WILL TURNS BACK TO HIS DESK. HEARS A BANG AT HIS DOOR. HE SIGHS.
TURNS BACK TO THE DOOR.
JACK IS STANDING THERE, WITH A HARMONICA IN HIS MOUTH.
WILL
Jack. Hi.
JACK STARTS PLAYING THE HARMONICA. BADLY.
WILL
You got a harmonica.
JACK BLOWS HIS ANSWER.
WILL
And now you're using it to talk.
JACK BLOWS.
WILL
And this will cheer me up?
JACK BLOWS. WILL PUTS HIS HAND OVER THE HARMONICA. PULLS IT AWAY
FROM JACK.
JACK
Hey. I need to practice.
WILL
Yes. You do.
JACK
You know what I'm going to use this for?
WILL
A mating call to the other inmates?
JACK
No, silly. In Jack 2002, between Act
six, scenes fourteen and fifteen, the
part with the soliloquy about Nelson
Mandella and Little Richard joining
forces to feed the children in Western
Mongolia.
WILL
I don't recall that particular part of
historical butchery.
JACK
Yeah, I just added it. Anyway, it's a
sad piece, so I thought... Harmonica!
WILL
That is sad.
JACK
Isn't it, though?
WILL
What are you doing here, Jack?
JACK
I wanted to return your credit card.
HE HANDS IT OVER TO WILL. WILL SCRUNCHES HIS FACE.
JACK
I'm an artist, Will. I need tools.
WILL LOOKS AT THE HARMONICA IN HIS HAND.
WILL
What do I need a boyfriend for? You
spend all of my money anyway.
JACK
Are you still upset about the blind guy?
WILL
He wasn't blind. It was a singles
service set up.
JACK
Whatever it was, you need to lighten up.
Try that yoga class with Grace. You
know, I had fun with a yoga instructor
once. Very... limber. He could put his
leg--
WILL
I get the picture. Oh, I don't know,
maybe I should try it. You think it
will help keep my mind of things?
JACK LOOKS OUT WILL'S OFFICE DOOR.
JACK
New mail guy?
WILL GIVES UP.
WILL
Go.
JACK TAKES OFF AFTER TOMMY.
INT. WILL AND GRACE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
WILL TAKES A DEEP BREATH AND TYPES IN A PHONE NUMBER. AS IT
RINGS, HE CHECKS HIS TEETH IN A MIRROR. HE NOTICES SOMETHING AND
STARTS GETTING IT OUT WITH HIS FINGERNAIL.
ANSWERING MACHINE
Hey, it's Brad. I'm not home right now.
Leave a message and I'll get back to
you soon.
THE ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS.
WILL
(FINGERS STILL IN MOUTH) Brad, phplle.
Hey. I just, had something in my mouth.
No! My fingers. A piece of food, you
know when something gets stuck in your
teeth? Ha ha ha...
GRACE ENTERS.
WILL
Anyway. I just thought I'd see if you
wanted to get together again sometime.
Maybe a second chance will help us get
through the... monstrously horrible
time we had before. Call me.
WILL HANGS UP.
GRACE
You make that sound so appealing.
WILL
Hush up, you.
GRACE
Hey, I'm not the one trying to get
Timmy to take me to the prom. Why are
you still even thinking about this guy?
WILL
No reason. There's just nothing good on
TV.
GRACE
I swear, you're acting like you slept
with him or...
SHE GETS IT. WILL SHRUGS.
WILL
How's the yoga class going?
GRACE KNOWS SHE HAS HIM NOW.
GRACE
You wanna go?
WILL
I, uh, I might.
GRACE
Cleanse your spirit?
WILL
The churches won't take me.
GRACE
There will be cute men in tight outfits.
WILL
How can I say no?
ACT 2
A STRONG CUP OF YOGA
INT. HEALTH CLUB - DAY
WILL, GRACE AND JACK ENTER THE HEALTH CLUB. VARIOUS GROUPS WORK
OUT.
JACK
Look at that. Those girls are wearing
pink. You said I couldn't.
GRACE
No, Jack. I said you shouldn't.
YOLANDA, A HIPPIE-ISH YOGA INSTRUCTOR, COMES OVER.
YOLANDA
Grace. So glad you could make it.
GRACE
Yolanda, hi! These are my friends, Will
and Jack.
YOLANDA GETS READY TO SAY HELLO--
JACK
That's great. Where is the men's locker
room?
YOLANDA
Over there.
JACK
Thanks.
HE TAKES OFF.
YOLANDA
Will he be joining us later?
GRACE
No. I think he's good.
WILL
Hi, I'm Will.
YOLANDA
Well, Will, are you ready to find inner
peace?
WILL
Some days, I'd just settle for a nice
ham sandwich, ha ha.
THE JOKE FALLS FLAT.
YOLANDA
Oh, I don't eat meat. You see, the mass
consumption of processed animal
carcasses is one of a multitude of
spiritual toxins in our society.
WILL
How about fish?
YOLANDA
Oh, I love fish. Yeah.
GRACE PULLS WILL AWAY.
GRACE
Come on. Let's go stretch.
WILL
I thought that was what the whole yoga
thing was about.
GRACE
You have to warm up first.
THEY PASS A ROOM OF SHADOW-BOXING MEN.
WILL
Ahh. It's the way A Chorus Line should
be.
GRACE
You like?
WILL
Me like very much. Oh no!
WILL QUICKLY DROPS TO THE FLOOR.
GRACE
What?
WILL
The guy I went out with. He's in there.
GRACE GETS EXCITED. SMASHES HER FACE AGAINST THE GLASS.
GRACE
Which one? Which one?
WILL
Get away from there.
GRACE
You gonna make me?
WILL
Grace, please.
GRACE STARES DOWN AT WILL, WHO KNEELS AT HER FEET.
GRACE
I don't think you are in any position
to argue with me.
AT THAT MOMENT, AN OLDER COUPLE WALKS BY. THEY SMILE KNOWINGLY.
OLD WOMAN
You keep him in line girl. We understand.
SHE PATS HER HUSBAND ON THE ARM. HE LOWERS HIS HEAD. THEY WALK ON.
GRACE
Eew... I mean: EEW!
WILL CRAWLS AWAY.
WILL
Where's this class? I need to hide.
GRACE
You're too late. They're coming out.
WILL SCURRIES TO STAND UP. TRIES TO LOOK COOL BY LEANING AGAINST
A NEARBY WATER FOUNTAIN.
HIS HAND LANDS ON THE SWITCH. A STREAM OF WATER ARCS INTO THE AIR.
GRACE
Now, that's cool.
THE GROUP WALKS BY.
WILL
Do you think he saw me?
GRACE
I know he saw you.
JACK WALKS BY WITH AN ANONYMOUS GUY.
JACK
Of course, I am a musician.
ANONYMOUS GUY
I see my body as my instrument.
JACK
Sure looks like fun to play.
THEY WALK ON.
WILL
God. Now, he's going to come over to
talk and I'm going to have to pretend I
had fun, and promise to call and...
GRACE
I don't think that's going to be a
problem. It looks like he's leaving.
BRAD, A HANDSOME GUY, LOOKS OVER HIS SHOULDER AND EDGES BEHIND
SOME EQUIPMENT.
WILL
No, he's not. He's hiding behind the ab
flexor. He's... OH-MY-GOD! He's hiding
from me.
GRACE
Yep. You be sure to let him down easy,
Casanova.
INT. DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES - DAY
THE MASSES WAIT IN LINE. KAREN ENTERS WITH ROSARIO.
ROSARIO
Holy Santa Marina Del Rio. This is like
the line to get into the country.
KAREN WALKS UP TO THE FIRST DMV WORKER.
KAREN
Hi, honey. I'm hear to get my driver's
license.
DMV WORKER
The line starts over there.
KAREN LOOKS TO THE END OF THE LINE. TURNS BACK TO THE WORKER AND
STARTS LAUGHING.
KAREN
No. I have my paperwork ready to go.
DMV WORKER
Good, that will save you time when you
get to the front of the line that
starts over there.
KAREN
Look. I'm not the one who's making you
wear blue on blue. So, why don't we cut
the attitude and GIVE ME MY LICENSE!!
THE WORKER SIGHS HEAVILY. TURNS AND WALKS AWAY FROM HER POST.
KAREN FUSSES.
KAREN
Well, I... I- Humph.
ROSARIO
I had a cousin. Took four hours to
stand in line for his ticket to go up
the Statue of Liberty. He say it smell
bad.
INT. HEALTH CLUB - DAY
WILL AND GRACE SIT ON MATS AMONGST THE OTHER YOGA-ERS.
WILL KEEPS LOOKING BACK OVER HIS SHOULDER.
WILL
I can't believe he's avoiding me.
YOLANDA
Will, dear. Don't strain your neck like
that. It's bad form.
GRACE
He's working quite hard at it, actually.
WILL
You think I don't know that?
GRACE
We're supposed to be relaxing. Why
don't you breathe?
YOLANDA
No talking, Grace. Inner peace.
GRACE
I'm trying to get Will to breathe!
THE CLASS ALL TURN TO LOOK AT GRACE. SHE SMILES SHEEPISHLY.
JACK
Grace, dear. Stop drawing attention to
yourself. That's my job.
JACK WALKS TO THE CENTER MAT. STARES DOWN THE GIRL SITTING THERE.
JACK
Ahem. Center mat, with a haircut like
that? I don't think so.
SHE MOVES AND JACK TAKES HER PLACE.
AT THE FRONT OF THE CLASSROOM, YOLANDA INSTRUCTS THE CLASS.
YOLANDA
Okay, everybody, let's start off easy.
A simple leg lift.
YOLANDA PROCEEDS TO LIFT HER LEG IMPOSSIBLY HIGH, HER KNEE AT HER
CHIN.
WILL
Ouch.
JACK
Hello, camel toe.
GRACE
Isn't she amazing?
WILL
She's a freak. Human bodies aren't
supposed to do that.
GRACE
If you don't start to loosen up and
release some stress, I'll show you what
human bodies aren't supposed to do.
INT. DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES - DAY
KAREN AND ROSARIO WAIT IN LINE.
A GRUNGY MAN STANDS AHEAD OF HER IN LINE.
GRUNGY MAN
You smell nice.
KAREN
Oh dear.
GRUNGY MAN
Like this bar I used to go to.
KAREN
And you smell like you've been sleeping
outside of that bar for a long long time.
GRUNGY MAN
I've been here for four hours.
ROSARIO
I tole you. Statue of Liberty.
ROSARIO STRIKES THE STATUE POSE.
KAREN
Dear lord. Is the wait that long?
GRUNGY MAN
Nah. I just keep failing the exam.
KAREN
I can't imagine why. You look like your
just brimming with intelligence.
GRUNGY MAN
I keep doing it on purpose. I'm sweet
on Debbie up there.
HE POINTS TO A DMV WORKER.
ROSARIO
Looks like a match made in heaven to me.
GRUNGY MAN
She reminds me of my mother.
KAREN
Okay. Don't need the whole life story.
Thanks.
KAREN TURNS TO THE WOMAN BEHIND HER.
KAREN
Is that a Kate Spade?
THE WOMAN HOLDS UP HER PURSE.
WOMAN
No. Did you think it was? It's actually
one of those generic knock-offs.
KAREN
Oh. That's nice...
KAREN TURNS AWAY.
WOMAN
Do you have a problem with that?
KAREN
Oh, I love it when the fashionably
lacking get sensitive.
WOMAN
Excuse me.
KAREN
Don't worry about it, dear. Kate Spade
was last year anyway.
WOMAN
And those bangs are kind of last
decade, aren't they?
KAREN GASPS AND PUTS HER HANDS TO HER BANGS.
ROSARIO
(HOLDS UP HER BAG) Flea Market. West
15th.
INT. HEALTH CLUB - DAY
WILL AND GRACE EXIT CLASS.
GRACE
God. I feel great. It's like all of the
tension and stress has just melted away.
WILL STRUGGLES TO WALK.
WILL
I can't feel my calves.
YOLANDA
That's perfectly normal after your
first session, Will. Now, you can go
home and begin to heal.
WILL
You've crippled me!
JACK COMES OUT WITH A COUPLE OF GUYS.
JACK
...really, I've bent over backwards so
many times, it's more habit than skill.
Okay...
JACK POINTS TO HIS FAVORITES.
JACK
...I'll teach you, you, and... you.
WILL
Okay. There he is. I'm going to go over
and say hi to him.
GRACE
Will. Don't be that guy. The guy who
just doesn't get it.
JACK
Honey, he's already that guy.
GRACE
Look. Your kind of starting to act like
me. It didn't work out. Don't make
things worse.
WILL
I don't get it. Why shouldn't he like
me? I'm witty, have a great smile, I'm
in decent shape.
GRACE PUSHES HIM WITH A FINGER. HE FALLS AGAINST THE WALL WITH A
GROAN.
WILL
I know the words to every Ella
Fitzgerald tune. I am every gay man's
dream.
GRACE
I thought that was every gay man's dream.
SHE POINTS TO SPANDEX-CLAD MUSCLE MEN WORKING OUT.
WILL
Okay. So maybe geeky lawyer isn't quite
on top of the list.
GRACE
Will, you have to get over this. You
need to find the strength in yourself
to overcome these petty grievances.
WILL
Petty grievances?
GRACE
(UNSURE) It's Kafka.
WILL
Kafka?
GRACE
Maybe it was Nietzsche. I don't know.
Look, I was up late and the Learning
Channel was on. The point is, you're
better than this.
WILL
Thank you, Grace. Your support really
means a lot.
GRACE HOLDS UP HER FINGER.
GRACE
I'll do it.
WILL
Sorry, you're right. Maybe I should
just walk by him confidently, and not
even look over.
GRACE
That's a good idea. Oh, here he comes.
WILL
Not now. I'm not ready!
WILL AND GRACE SCRAMBLE FOR A DOOR.
WILL
Quick, in here.
THEY GO INTO A SAUNA.
INT. HEALTH CLUB - SAUNA - CONTINUOUS
GRACE PRESSES HER FACE UP AGAINST THE GLASS. WILL STANDS TO THE
SIDE.
WILL
What's he doing?
GRACE
Talking to some guy. They're laughing...
He just kissed him.
WILL
What!
GRACE
Oh... my... god!
WILL
What! What!
HE UNCEREMONIOUSLY PUSHES HER ASIDE AND LOOKS OUT THE WINDOW.
GRACE LAUGHS.
GRACE
Gotcha. You're such a sucker.
SHE JUMPS WHEN SHE SEES JACK AND A MYSTERY MAN IN THE CORNER OF
THE SAUNA.
JACK
Do you guys have to follow me everywhere.
I swear, privacy for the famous is so
hard to find.
THE MAN NODS.
GRACE
I'm sorry, Jack. We'll go.
SHE TURNS TO OPEN THE DOOR. IT DOESN'T BUDGE.
GRACE
It's locked!
WILL STARTS TO CHUCKLE.
GRACE
What are you so happy about all of a
sudden?
WILL
We're in a sauna, you know.
GRACE
(HAND TO HAIR) Oh! My hair!
SHE STARTS BANGING ON THE DOOR VIOLENTLY.
ACT 3
A STRONG CUP OF YOGA
INT. DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES - DAY
KAREN
Don't they have a bar in here somewhere?
ROSARIO
Okay, I been talking to fast Eddie. He
says the trick es to keep your hands on
the wheel like so.
ROSARIO HOLDS HER HANDS UP IN THE PROPER POSITION.
ROSARIO
Ten and two o'clock.
KAREN
Isn't that cute. You look like a little
horse jockey.
ROSARIO
I try to help you. You insult me?
KAREN
Love, Rosario. It's all in the name of
love.
ROSARIO
Dr. Jack on Days of Our Lives. He knows
love. You, you only know how to find
rum in a Vietnamese market.
KAREN
They keep it back by the fish, you
wallowing sack of worthless woman.
ROSARIO
Insult! You she-demon.
KAREN
Witch!
ROSARIO
Whore!
WOMAN
Oh, my God! I can't believe the way you
treat each other. What's wrong with you
two?
ROSARIO
Hey! Lady. You keep your hands away
from my sweet papicia.
KAREN
Oh, Rosario. My little angel. I'm so
sorry.
THEY HUG, LIKE ALWAYS.
WOMAN
But, you were just fighting.
ROSARIO
That's it, I'll show you ten and two
o'clock.
ROSARIO PUTS HER HANDS UP IN FIGHTING STANCE.
KAREN
Oh. Look at my little Rosario go.
KAREN TURNS TO ANOTHER BYSTANDER.
KAREN
I know. She's gimpy in her left hip,
but she can still move, eh?
THE MAN CAN ONLY NOD HIS APPROVAL.
INT. HEALTH CLUB - SAUNA - DAY
WILL, GRACE, JACK AND THE MAN SIT IN THE SAUNA.
GRACE'S HAIR STANDS STRAIGHT OUT.
JACK STARTS POKING HER HAIR. SHE GRABS HIS WRISTS AND TWISTS.
JACK
Ouch! Sorry, Miss Einstein.
WILL
Somebody's here.
OUTSIDE - YOLANDA TRIES TO OPEN THE DOOR.
GRACE RUNS UP TO THE GLASS.
FROM OUTSIDE, YOLANDA CAN'T HEAR ANY OF GRACE'S WORDS.
YOLANDA
Let me in, dearie.
LIKEWISE, GRACE CAN'T HEAR YOLANDA.
GRACE
It's stuck. Get help.
YOLANDA
Let me in!
GRACE
She's not going. What's wrong with her?
YOLANDA
I need to relax!!!
GRACE
Lay off the tofu and get somebody to
HELP!!!
YOLANDA WALKS OFF IN A HUFF.
INT. DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES - DAY
KAREN AND ROSARIO GET TO THE COUNTER.
THE DMV WORKER MAN TALKS TO ROSARIO.
DMV WORKER MAN
Ma'am, you'll have to wait your turn.
KAREN
She's with me.
ROSARIO
I'm her lady.
DMV WORKER MAN
Great.
HE LOOKS OVER KAREN'S PAPERWORK.
DMV WORKER MAN
Um, these forms are for Connecticut.
KAREN
That's where I was when I thought about
renewing my license.
DMV WORKER MAN
You need to fill out paperwork for New
York.
KAREN
Oh, don't be silly. I can use this
license to drive anywhere.
DMV WORKER MAN
I'm sorry. That's just how it works.
HE HANDS HER THE CORRECT PAPERS.
KAREN
Oh, don't apologize to me.
KAREN HANDS THE PAPERS TO ROSARIO.
ROSARIO
Hmm. Maybe I don't want to be your lady.
KAREN
Mm-hm. Well, maybe you want to be
deported instead. Where's the
immigration office?
DMV WORKER MAN
Just down the block.
KAREN
Think you can have those finished by
time I get back?
ROSARIO SCRIBBLES FURIOUSLY.
ROSARIO
What's your middle name?
INT. HEALTH CLUB - SAUNA - DAY
YOLANDA COMES BACK WITH THE MANAGER.
WILL
Okay. Here goes.
WILL, GRACE AND JACK RUSH THE DOOR.
THE MANAGER GETS CREAMED AS HE OPENS IT. THEY FALL IN A PILE.
JACK'S FRIEND QUIETLY STEPS OVER THE PILE AND RUNS OFF.
YOLANDA
Ahh! Security!
BRAD WALKS BY WITH IMPECCABLE TIMING.
BRAD
Will. Hi. Sorry I haven't gotten back
to you, I, uh...
WILL
(FROM BOTTOM OF PILE) It's okay. These
situations are always awkward.
INT. HEALTH CLUB - MANAGER'S OFFICE - LATER
WILL, GRACE AND JACK SIT AGAINST A WALL LIKE A PRISON LINE UP.
JACK PLAYS ON HIS HARMONICA.
KAREN ENTERS.
KAREN
Well, isn't this about the roughest
bunch I've ever seen. Grace. You wrap a
towel around your head in the sauna.
Just a tip.
JACK PLAYS HIS HARMONICA.
KAREN SNATCHES IT AWAY FROM HIM.
KAREN
Jackie, dear. Not with the day I've had.
THE MANAGER, A HUSKY MAN, WALKS IN WITH YOLANDA.
KAREN
Looks like the donuts are winning, ha
ha...
HE IS NOT AMUSED.
KAREN TURNS TO THE GROUP.
KAREN
Okay, children. Time to let mommy talk.
INT. WILL AND GRACE'S APARTMENT - LATER
WILL, GRACE, JACK AND KAREN ENTER THE APARTMENT.
GRACE
I didn't know it was possible to have a
health club named after you.
KAREN
I didn't realize offending fat health
club managers was so expensive.
WILL
I've never had a restraining order
filed against me before.
GRACE
I have.
WILL
Really?
GRACE
Sophomore year. Tommy-
WILL
Watkins! That's right!
JACK
Ooh ooh! Tell me more, tell me more.
Did he put up a fight?
GRACE
It wasn't so much a fight as, well I
didn't mean to break up his wedding.
Look, I don't want to talk about it. I
just want you to know, Will, you aren't
the only person who's been rejected.
These things happen. You'll find
somebody one of these days.
KAREN
Buckwheat's right, Will. Sooner or
later, you'll be the only choice some
poor guy has.
WILL
Thanks, Karen. That really doesn't help
at all.
JACK
You don't mind that I asked him out do
you, Will?
ROSARIO ENTERS.
ROSARIO
It is finished.
KAREN
Ah! My driver's lisence.
GRACE
Karen. You didn't make Rosario get your
license for you?
KAREN
Don't be silly. I had her get one for
herself.
ROSARIO
Ten o'clock and two o'clock.
SHE DEMONSTRATES.
KAREN
Very good, driver. Come along now.
We're low on vodka.
KAREN TURNS HER TO THE DOOR AND THEY LEAVE.
FIN
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